I got a hypertension attack last week and I lost three days of my life (I think).

We came home on the night of Tuesday, to find that our water service was cut off.

It was well past 12pm, and I've been working late nights for many weeks (since April 7), with an occasional all-nighter dropped in (don't ask why), so there was nothing I could do until the morning.

I was mad --fuming mad -- because in the poor community (the infamous Nagpayong, Pasig) where my daughter and I live, several households tap from our water and electric service.

Mukha kasi kaming Instik (Filipino Chinese), and just because I'm the only one around with a regular paycheck, kami ang pinupuntahan, kahit di naman kami mayaman.

The last bill I paid for water was P1,500.--and we're only two, how many cubic liters does it take to bath twice a day? I'm short, by the way, so that really means less water consumption. And our lifestyle is to be always out! 9am-12 midnight, we're out. Often, we have our clothes laundered, because I have to work one extra day during weekdays to complete my work tasks.

But for many months I just agreed anyway to pay for everyone, because my neighbors are tricycle drivers and vendors, and my heart went out to them, struggling through their harsh lives.

Pero too much naman that even when I pay-- they hadn't been paying it to Manila Water pala for the past three months!

Now I had to pay surcharges + reconnection fee + the inconvenience of not having water! The total bill came to P3,700.

I've been so mad and there's no way to express it (apart from my matrona-like pagbubunganga), the blood pressure (I think) shot up and would not come down.

Up to Friday morning, we did not have water. And though I paid, the landlord did not take care of it immediately. We had to move around in different friends houses for three days-- and you can imagine how tough that is with a kid involved. And in between the constant headache...

I think I will finally, finally give up in my social experiment to live among the poor. I suppose I will still feel for them, advocate for them, but I can't allow myself to be victimized anymore!

..........................
We have our water back, but I'm so mad, mad, mad. I guess only ex-activists will understand the level of betrayal I feel.

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It's called Horizontal Violence.

Horizontal violence is non physical inter group conflict and is manifested in overt and covert behaviors of hostility (Freire 1972; Duffy 1995). It is behavior associated with oppressed groups and can occur in any arena where there are unequal power relations, and one group's self expression and autonomy is controlled by forces with greater prestige, power and status than themselves (Harcombe 1999).

... such as the urban poor community I live in...

It may be conscious or unconscious behaviour (Taylor 1996). It is, generally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually damaging behaviour and can have devastating long term effects on the recipients (Wilkie 1996). It may be overt or covert. It is generally non physical, but may involve shoving, hitting or throwing objects. It is one arm of the submissive/aggressive syndrome that results from an internalized self-hatred and low self esteem as a result of being part of an oppressed group (Glass 1997; Roberts 1996; MCCall 1995).

It is the inappropriate way oppressed people release built up tension when they are unable to address and solve issues with the oppressor.

(And it also happens in the workplace...)

In the majority of western cultures, a dominator model (Eisler 1993) of social organization enables workplace hierarchy to limit autonomy and practice of various groups of workers and therefore acts as an oppressive force.

Workers are socialized into the oppressive structures and unequal power relations of the workplace system. Some groups of people within each particular workplace unconsciously adopt inflated feelings and attitudes of superiority.

(Sound familiar also where I work)

Some groups adopt unconsciously submissive attitudes, learned helplessness, within the workplace. The internal conflict, generated by conforming to structural pressures and, in some, subduing the desire for autonomy, whilst over inflating it in other groups, compounds the self-hatred and low self esteem of certain groups of people and perpetuates the cycle of horizontal violence (Taylor 1996).

Horizontal Violence is a symptom of the dynamics around oppression and a sense of powerlessness. It is to the workplace culture like water is to fish. It molds, shapes and dictates the behavior of those within the workplace culture. It is a form of bullying and acts to socialize those who are different into the status quo.

(All artists are different)

Horizontal violence in the workplace is the result of history and politics in western society and the ideology and practices associated with the socialisation and stereotyping of males and females in western culture. Horizontal violence is a systems and cultural issue, a symptom of an emotionally, spiritually and psychologically toxic and oppressive environment. Horizontal violence is not a symptom of individual pathology, although individual pathology flourishes in a climate that supports and condones aggressive behavior.

Horizontal violence includes:

All acts of unkindness, discourtesy, sabotage, divisiveness, infighting, lack of cohesiveness, scapegoating and criticism

For example:

• Belittling gestures e.g. deliberate rolling of eyes, folding arms, staring into space when communication being attempted - Body language designed to discomfort the other
• Verbal abuse including name calling, threatening, intimidating, dismissing, belittling, undermining, humorous 'put downs'
• Gossiping (destructive, negative, nasty talk), talking behind the back, backbiting
• Sarcastic comments
• Fault finding (nitpicking) - different to those situations where professional and clinical development is required.
• Ignoring or minimizing another's concerns
• Slurs and jokes based on race, ethnicity, religion, gender or sexual orientation
• Sending to 'Coventry', 'freezing out' excluding from activities and conversation, work related and social.
• Comments that devalue:
  • people's area of practice;
  • women;
  • others that are different to the 'norm'.
• Disinterest, discouragement and withholding support
• Limiting right to free speech and right to have an opinion
• Behaviours which seek to control or dominate (power 'over' rather than power 'with')
• Elitist attitudes regarding work area, education, experience etc "better than" attitude
• Punishing activities by management e.g. Repeatedly sending someone out of area; bad rosters; chronic under staffing; lack of concern with mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health of employees
• Lack of participation in professional organisations (a subtle form of self-hatred) however, busy family lives can preclude participating in professional organizations.