When will women really realize that we are all really sisters under the skin? When will all this competition end? What in the world are we competing over, after all? Di ba pwedeng share? Scarce resources ba iyan?
. . . . .
A long lost friend found my blog over the web; we have not been in touch for over 13 years. Actually, she is the wife of my long lost friend. Or, the ex-wife.
Getting in touch with her again opened a floodgate of powerful feelings. He was my best friend! My best friend! My best friend! Although I met him when I was already in my 20s, there was absolutely nothing I did, or had done, or thought or said, that he didn’t understand instinctively. We read the same books, believed or did not believe in the same things… We could talk for hours and hours and hours.
And she took him away! Yes she did. She was so possessive, she felt that our friendship was a threat to their relationship, she poisoned his mind with little bits here and there. I know she did not mean it, or well, she did, but I guess she must have felt she was fighting for dear life itself –
Yesterday, she apologized for being immature in the past. But what good did that do? It became so awkward for us to remain friends.. and soon, the two of them went abroad, where they broke up after a few years. So there.
. . . . . The most frustrating thing about it is that, I’m so eccentric, so you can only count on your one hand the number of really, really good friends I have – the ones who understand me all the way into my bone marrow. And she took him away!
. . . . . Now this is a message I have for her: I did not want your husband—not in the way you thought. We were always so careful to keep you in the circle of our talk…
Funny thing is, that is also the same message I have for other women. One of the things I hate about being a single mom is: you get a lot of resentment and distrust from other women! It’s as if you’re forever hunting for a hubby.
Really. Introduce yourself at a party of couples as a single mom, and boy, will you see the women’s hands inching to close in on their hubby’s hands, haha. Or somehow touching their husband’s possessively, like sending the message: “No trespassing!”
The worse it gets is when they may subtle put downs during the conversation… The worst it gets is when they make subtle put downs addressed to my child, like (all this publicly:
“Does she not want to have a father figure?” “Kawawa naman siya.” “Hindi ba niya hinahanap ang tatay niya?”
oh boy, oh boy. South Korea just sent a woman astronaut into space… and have you seen those wonderful bikini pixes of Ségolène Royal, and of course Erica Yong is now a lola…
And here I am desperately trying to look like a lola myself so that I won’t be seen as a threat to other women.
Or, as another friend of mine put it, maybe women resent the freedom I have as a single parent?
Brushing aside the really hard work that goes into single-mommying, there’s a huge sense of achievement – and freedom – that you can get only from being a single mom.
Anyway I digress. So the messages I have are these:
I am not interested in anyone’s husband, ok? I’m happy bringing in the bacon for my loved ones. I don’t hate men, but I don’t need a man to feel complete. And if you think I’m undersexed, well, here’s news for you: I’m a writer so my most sensitive sex organ is my brain! There are enough men to go around the world. Or, can’t we share like we were taught in kindergarten? You can have him; I’ll have his money/
………………….. Anyway, I really do not want to be unforgiving. But I am left with these questions
So is it possible to have a really male good friend (it should be) without the wife feeling jealous? Is it possible to maintain your old barkada (with the guys, too) without the wives feeling left out? Are women doomed to compete? Are catfights fun? Am I a woman? Do I need a wife?
Yada yada. I miss my friend. I love my friends. Don’t take them away from me.
ahh. Actually, and real crush of that German friend of mine--way back in the 1990s-- was not me, but Baguiowriter, who is also in this multiply group. How's that for juicy?! Hahahaha
Luka-luka ka talaga. Pati ako na-chism here. (Kaibigan na kita, that's why I can afford expletives!)
So that's her you're talking about. Is she back? For good? I've heard somewhere that the hubby has gone mad, as in insane. How true? Should I blame the German culture? Too cerebral?
Sayang ang galing pa namang photographer nun. And when Doctora took him away, he hated me... ha-ha-ha! And I didn't even know why.
Wow! Memories... I met him in Baguio at a Feminist NGO, then we went to the office of Frank Cimatu. Tapos, rambulan. Naging menage a trois...in Manila's bar-hopping scene.
Got to shot my mouth now. Someone will get jealous.. ah-huh.
Hahahaha. I'll stop too. Baka ma-exceed natin ang Brian blogspot sa number of hits. All I will say is, man, he was handsome -- at crush ng bayan ng NGO circles. bwahahaha. Ok enough. We deal with pain by laughing at it...
